This is the beginning of my "Mind Wanderings". More will follow. I've written seventy so far. I've been working on this particular collection for four years now. It will be completed at one hundred, as I decided at the very start. I do not wish to rush myself, of course, soon enough it will be done. Read on, please, and enjoy.

One

I cannot begin to realize
the extent of the madness.
Not yours, not my own.

Funny how the bird flies
so wonderfully,
Brilliant in its so called
"splendor", Yet on occasion
She feels such desire
To dive in front of a passing
vehicle,
Ending the soaring,
The life and the beauty
Envied by all.

Freedom, we call the bird,
And I believe it.

Two

One day you will leave me,
Like none other has.
Alone, bereft,
So badly beaten I cannot move.

The sadness of your departure,
It will mangle me into
A mass of nothing,
A heap of everything,
We have become.

One day you will leave me,
Like no one else ever can.
My torment will be forever-
For as long as I have lived,
When you've gone, I've gone also.
So when you die,
Soon I will follow.

Three

Ever get the feeling,
My friend,
That you and I,
Me and you,
We,
Are truly pitiful?

Apart that seems
So wrong, strange,
Unnatural. Together
It seems it is
The only way to be.

Why is that? I do
Not know,
But with you being
Pitiful
Is most magnificent.

Four

Close my eyes for just
A moment.
What do I see?
Words...phrases.
So many words
I can't remember
What they were
Once my eyes open.
Flashes of this, that,
This and that.
Mostly things that
Never have been
And dreams of what
They could be.

Life is some miracle.
Which day will kill me?
I know only that I will snap,
Break like a twig,
SNAP!!!
Then, why then, of course,
That will be my day
To begin anew.

Five

Screaming! Goddamnit,
Stop screaming!
How many times-
What??? What???
What the hell are you
Talking about?

Where? I don't know
Where!
Put your shit up-
No! I said No! Fuck.
Do it anyway!
Jesus Christ God Almighty,
You're driving me-

Stop screaming!

I'm asking you to
Stop
Screaming.

Six

God they were ugly,
One blue,
The other pink
I looked at them,
And I hated them.

Hideous, yuck, trashcan
Bound I studied them.
Then in an instant,
They were painted.

Both of them golden,
Regal, lovely statues.
I painted them gold
And fell in love.

Afterwards, I looked
At my hands,
And well...
I painted those too.

Seven

I can't allow my mind
To wander too far.
Like up with the birds,
Sitting on a star...

My thoughts must be,
Kept locked in the cage.
For when they are free,
Then comes the rage.

And I think death must
Surely be the best.
Start thinking of ways,
To put my soul at rest.

No, I can't think that...
Those I would hurt.
Course I wonder if I would
Care, once under dirt.

Bury me in white I say!
For then I will be free...
Imagine how wonderful!
How joyous and free!

No, I can't allow myself
To wonder away to far.
I must wait my turn,
To sit on a star.

Eight

Mom, I did something
Today, this morning.
I got my BLACK Keds
Out,
And I am wearing them.

You know why? I Want you to know
Why.
Because I am twenty
Four and rebelling!

Because I can't stand
Those goddamn white
Shoes you bought
For me.

I HATE, I repeat,
I HATE! white shoes...

I like my black Keds,
Just fine.

Nine

To know is not to
Remind...
Not to brag about
How fine you are,
Or how well life is
Going.
It is not to be mean,
Hateful, Evil,
To those you love.
Because they are sick
And you are just
Fine.
Since if you think
Back,
Way back then...
You were just fine,
And I was...
Dead.

Ten

"Damn it," says Mom,
"My ass will get wet!"
(Getting the garbage
Out of the car).

"I'll do it," says I,
"I will get my butt wet,
Because I love you."

Little does she know,
How much I really
Just love the rain.