Hit and Miss

People are always hugging people,
Smiling from ear to ear.
I feel almost envious inside,
Not even sure what I fear.
I can't stand to be touched,
Even by people I've known always.
I don't understand my selfishness,
Think my heart is a maze.
Nobody ever reaches the middle,
I might trap them inside.
Those who have do not know,
Because when they do, I hide.
I wish I wanted to be loved,
Wish I knew why I don't.
I can't believe this me is me,
Don't understand why I won't.
This is not who I dreamed I was,
I don't know who this is.
This heartless thing living here,
This useless hit and miss.

ŠAugust 18,1999